[ baby #3 dilemma ]

sooooooo... i'd love to hear all your views on my current dilemma!! i am a mom to 2 beautiful healthy boys, 4 & nearly 3, that bring us an abundance of joy, lots of laughter, so much pride & fear provoked grey hairs.

i've never been a 'i've got to have babies' type of girl... & quite frankly i'm really bad at making those types of big decisions... luckily my husband, mike, thought we should start a family so we did & i've never looked back... or had so many life lessons cramped into a short space of time.

from the beginning of this parental roller coaster mike has always said he wanted 3... i've kind of had that in my head... but since my second, flynn, was born till about a month ago i've always said, i'm not ready to sell the crib... but i couldn't handle another... ok i mean.. i couldn't handle another properly without compromising on every one's attention...

but as oscar (my oldest) & flynn get bigger, more independent & i watch these amazing little personalities develop i can't help but think what would #3 be like?? would it make me feel complete? or be a total nightmare that sends me over the edge?

there are days when the boys are really demanding ~ i feel like i'm going insane & i think to myself how can i even contemplate having another ~ i'm struggling with the 2 i've got...

i've been getting some nice freelance jobs ~ would i still be able to do all that?

there is also the question of age ~ i hit a 'big' birthday next year, & i don't mean 21! (easy mistake though!)

of course the people who already have 3 say it's great, that's because once it's done it's done & you're making the best of it.

i also know people that are happy with 2 ~ are absolutely sure 2 is it... i wish i was one of those people, but i've never been like that. when i was trying on wedding dresses some girls would be crying in their dressing rooms over the dress because they had found THE one!! i never experienced anything like that.

i'm on the fence... if we don't have anymore will i regret it? or in the long run is 2 the most sensible thing all round, i only have 2 arms (but i can give lots of hugs!!) i'm not desperately saying i want another baby...

mike doesn't mind either way... he's a great dad. i think deep down he's good with 2 but he'd be up for the chaos!

also it's not a having a girl thing... boys are fantastic & if we were blessed with a girl i'd be shocked!! & would have to get an instruction manual! (bet there are lots of volumes!!)

when i ask the boys if they want a little brother or sister they both say no. oscar said he wants an older one instead!

one person i spoke to said the dynamics of 3 isn't as good as with 2. i also read it's nice for siblings to have more than one to play with. so there's pros & cons to everything.

are there any people out there that were on the fence about a third & stayed at 2?

any advice at all in general? THANK YOU!!